tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36955945461268117812024-02-20T13:51:34.808-07:00That Must GoThere comes a time in every era wherein certain behaviors, people, objects, and ideas would better serve mankind from the bottom of a landfill or the unreachable abyss of deep space. That time is now, and these things must go.KBhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07597915573822550925noreply@blogger.comBlogger32125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3695594546126811781.post-87941098544552693492012-08-24T12:50:00.000-06:002012-08-24T12:50:43.694-06:00Raw Broccoli
If it's cool for a vegetable to smell rotten when it is actually perfectly fresh, we should just stop right now and call broccoli the champion of the universe. Oh wait, it's not cool to eat something that smells like a massive turd? My mistake.
Seriously. Who enjoys raw broccoli? The smell impaired, no doubt. The texture of raw broccoli also leaves something to be desired, and the KBhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07597915573822550925noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3695594546126811781.post-78570479151889461632012-06-24T21:50:00.003-06:002012-06-27T13:36:53.170-06:00PT Cruisers
PT Cruisers look like the mutant spawn of a VW Beetle bred with a hearse.
This post could end there, could it not?
When PT Cruisers made their debut in 2000, I thought the world had gone absolutely insane. Who in their RIGHT MIND would drop 20 grand on that? Apparently, lots of folks. I have hated every PT Cruiser I have ever laid my troubled eyes upon, but ESPECIALLY the dark purple (KBhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07597915573822550925noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3695594546126811781.post-37442101733769684452011-10-21T21:40:00.001-06:002011-10-21T21:40:07.322-06:00Sidewalk Snails
There are very few sensations in this life less pleasant than unexpectedly crunching and subsequently smearing a snail into the pavement with your foot. I imagine squishing one with your face would be worse, but that rarely happens. Pedal snailocide is comparatively pretty common.
Most of the time, the sidewalks are largely free of snail traffic. However, every onceKBhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07597915573822550925noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3695594546126811781.post-62435811818189834842011-09-19T23:17:00.000-06:002011-09-19T23:17:19.280-06:00Ants and ant-like creaturesAnts are a menace to civilized society. They crawl on us, they bite us, they ruin our food, and they look gross. Ants have plagued me for as long as I can remember.
My first memorable encounter with the tiny black demons occurred after my ballet class at the tender age of four. I was harmlessly frolicking through the bushes whilst waiting for my sister to finish her dance class, when to my KBhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07597915573822550925noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3695594546126811781.post-34650356210337196532011-08-27T17:43:00.005-06:002011-08-27T18:17:07.896-06:00Leggings As Pants
You know, it's funny. They call them "leggings" because they aren't "pants". Those quotation marks were probably misused and that period was probably misplaced. But deal with it.
Last time I checked.... wearing semi-sheer stretch pants KBhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07597915573822550925noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3695594546126811781.post-15356384682184317692011-08-18T22:56:00.000-06:002011-08-18T22:56:23.201-06:00Cyclists Who Don't Stop at Stop Signs
Look. I know you're on a bike because you are better than me. You are either environmentally aware, or you can't afford a car. You not being able to afford a car still makes you better than me, because we both know that you are in far better shape than my car-riding butt.
I also realize that it is much easier to coast slowly and then pick up speed again than it is to stop completely and KBhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07597915573822550925noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3695594546126811781.post-31833297001666130912011-08-12T12:52:00.002-06:002011-10-22T01:04:29.405-06:00Spiders
Spiders are the rudest insects in the world. Think about it. They are so intrusive. What other creature would gleefully walk on your face and crawl up your nose just because it can?
"Oh look, a nostril. Don't mind if I do."
I've actually heard spiders say this.
Spiders are also rude. I've found them napping on my bed like they own the place. Then the spiders are always like: "Oh KBhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07597915573822550925noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3695594546126811781.post-82685395294384957482011-08-08T11:53:00.002-06:002011-08-17T22:09:30.102-06:00Miley CyrusLet's talk about this. Billy Ray Cyrus had ONE hit. How many years ago? 19. The peak of Billy's fame occured when he was a musical guest during the last five minutes of "America's Funniest Home Videos" in the early 90s.
How is it POSSIBLE then, that both Miley and her father have stretched their 15 minutes of fame into 20 years of buffoonery?
The Disney Channel does have a knack for creating KBhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07597915573822550925noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3695594546126811781.post-68225187191837080562011-08-03T18:51:00.000-06:002011-08-03T18:51:18.091-06:00Hiatus = Over.Did you think I ran out of things to complain about? Au contraire, mes petites amis. I'm not sure if I conjugated that correctly, but you should cut me some slack since I haven't taken french for oh, I don't know... 5 ish years?
Anyway. There are at least 6 blog posts just sittin' around, waiting for me to finish writing them. And they will be written. Oh yes. They will be written.
If KBhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07597915573822550925noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3695594546126811781.post-69592307086321421052011-02-25T16:29:00.000-07:002011-02-25T16:29:07.091-07:00The Voice of the PeopleNew Poll!
What do YOU think should go?
Vote to the right, or suggest your own ideas in the comments section.KBhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07597915573822550925noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3695594546126811781.post-18850610019618838922011-02-23T12:19:00.003-07:002011-10-22T01:01:48.791-06:00Skiwampus Zippers
If you have never worn a skirt, you will have no idea what I'm talking about. So let me educate you.
Most skirts have zippers. Most zippers have a designated position on your body. Some skirts zip up the side. Some have a fly in the front like pants do. Some skirts zip straight up the back. Most of the time, these zippers obey the laws of fashion and remain squarely in their original positionKBhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07597915573822550925noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3695594546126811781.post-41892440616287034852011-02-22T12:42:00.000-07:002011-02-22T12:42:23.922-07:00Exceedingly Bad Breath
From an evolutionary standpoint, the ability of the human nose to detect foul odors is an indispensable safeguard that naturally prevents us from wanting to ingest and/or roll around in rotten or possibly harmful substances. This is a useful tool that (hopefully) keeps both young children and adults alike from eating poo and licking skunks.
I understand that sometimes medical conditions KBhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07597915573822550925noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3695594546126811781.post-79488076204465940292011-02-22T11:21:00.008-07:002011-10-22T00:53:11.753-06:00Hipsters(Guest Post by NB. See the original post here.)
I really don't like hipsters. Or thick glasses. Or people who wear ripped clothes. Quit trying so hard to discover everything before everyone else, and don't try so hard to look like you haven't showered for 17 days.
Hipsters must go.
p.s. Hipster Princesses = Funny
KBhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07597915573822550925noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3695594546126811781.post-13956077193421432202011-02-20T20:53:00.000-07:002011-02-20T20:53:21.485-07:00Sweaty Classmates
Dear Sweaty Classmate,
If you are realllllly hot and sweaty, do not sit by me. Especially if I'm next to the wall. When you take off your coat, hot air wafts toward me as if you were a human space heater. You make me feel like I'm trapped in a steamy oven with your hair. And you keep poking me with your notebook. Please respect the armrest as an invisible cootie barrier. You are ruining my lifeKBhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07597915573822550925noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3695594546126811781.post-4061659434771878452010-11-03T00:46:00.004-06:002010-11-08T22:09:46.435-07:00RaisinsWho among us has not experienced the exquisite disappointment upon biting into an oatmeal-raisin cookie when you THOUGHT you were actually biting into a delectable chocolate chip cookie? The ensuing shock is enough to bring a grown man to his knees. Especially if he hates raisins. Which he has every right to. If only all raisins could be chocolate chips. Raisins wish they were chocolate chips. InKBhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07597915573822550925noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3695594546126811781.post-74541759552109352102010-10-15T13:11:00.006-06:002010-10-18T00:13:55.209-06:00Back to School 6: Obnoxious Interrupters.There are three types of interrupters:1. Serial commenters. Their body clock is set such that every 5 or maybe 7 minutes, their arm spontaneously shoots their hand into the air during an otherwise fluid lecture. I honestly think some of them cannot control it. However, this does not make me any less agitated when they ask their 9th question, tell their 4th story, or suggest their 20 bajillionth KBhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07597915573822550925noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3695594546126811781.post-12352246537638925162010-10-15T13:08:00.014-06:002010-10-16T00:32:03.840-06:00Back to School Part 5: Library ZombiesLibrary zombies are not uncommon. These students mercilessly haunt fellow library patrons with their creepily unbreakable gazes. Most encounters go a little something like this...There you are in the library, just minding your own business. You are studying or doing something scholastic on the internet. Suddenly, you feel like you are being watched. You look up, only to discover a library KBhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07597915573822550925noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3695594546126811781.post-91703260436364232512010-10-13T14:35:00.001-06:002011-10-21T23:17:39.732-06:00Back to School Part 4: Student-to-Faculty Flirting
Most professors (at least at my college) don't flirt with their students, and that's why I'm not addressing faculty-to-student flirting. But I have seen my share of student-to-faculty flirting, which makes me want to puke up my entire digestive tract in one foul purge for the following reasons:
1. Student/faculty romantic relationships are strictly prohibited at most educational institutions.
2.KBhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07597915573822550925noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3695594546126811781.post-80355766552988522522010-10-11T23:29:00.000-06:002010-10-13T23:54:03.446-06:00Back to School Part 3: Skirts with BackpacksSometimes, girls wear skirts with their backpacks. This would be fine, if they were aware that with every step they take, their backpack could potentially expose their bum to the world. I am well aware of this phenomenon, and I only wear skirts which I have tested for no-ride qualities. I used to take pity on these poor girls who didn't have a clue, and would tell them tactfully that their skirt KBhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07597915573822550925noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3695594546126811781.post-23612777055585096032010-09-29T14:18:00.011-06:002010-09-29T15:56:56.833-06:00Back to School Part 2: Tall-Fountain Hogs Most drinking fountains come in pairs. One tall, one short. The short one is awkward to use, especially while wearing a heavy backpack. There is nothing worse than having your backpack avalanche forward onto your head when you are crouched down, trying to get a few sips of water out of a too-low drinking fountain. It almost always results in cranial injury or water up your nose.BYU has many, KBhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07597915573822550925noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3695594546126811781.post-80725083946073197502010-09-24T18:00:00.001-06:002010-09-29T15:28:46.388-06:00Back To School Part 1 : Walkway BlockersWalkway blockers.You know who you are. And if you ARE a walkway blocker, you deserve to be round-house kicked in the face by a sasquatch with a wicked case of athlete's foot. And that was not a hyperbole. I'm glad you happened to run into your roommate on campus. I'm happy that you are sooooo excited to see her that you make a scene while you greet her with ridiculous enthusiasm. BUT. I am not KBhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07597915573822550925noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3695594546126811781.post-9463136921295245212010-09-24T16:32:00.003-06:002010-09-24T16:56:53.167-06:00Back to SchoolSorry for the long break between posts. School started up again, and I have actually been concentrating on my school work. (Weird).The next few posts will be special posts, dedicated to everything that must go when it comes to school. Feel free to comment with ideas for future school-related posts.KBhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07597915573822550925noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3695594546126811781.post-2901276311128338252010-08-25T07:48:00.000-06:002010-08-25T11:01:36.360-06:00Puka Shells (and Kenny Chesney)Puka shells. Huka shells. Mispronounced, misused and abused all over the united states since the late 90's. (Note: if you live in Hawaii you are kind of excused. But you should still watch yourself.)It's rare that people sport these crusty crustacean strands in the contiguous united states, but when they do, it's one of the most ignominious fashion faux pas an offender can ever commit. There onceKBhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07597915573822550925noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3695594546126811781.post-15553561652627905932010-08-24T12:34:00.003-06:002010-08-24T13:41:50.787-06:00Screen CreepersLet's talk about screen creepers. Screen Creeper noun: An individual, colleague, or cubicle-mate who unscrupulously looks at your computer screen for extended periods of time. Screen Creepers may read your personal email over your shoulder, laugh at the blog you are reading, or give you unsolicited advice on how to articulate your instant messenger responses. These individuals may also belong to KBhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07597915573822550925noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3695594546126811781.post-2223661979380146942010-08-17T21:09:00.004-06:002010-08-17T23:17:13.515-06:00Shopping Carts that ShockI grabbed a shopping cart today at my local grocery store and it immediately shocked me. I didn't think twice about it because it was looking and sounding pretty good as far as shopping carts go. All four wheels were touching the floor, there were no weird squeaky sounds when I turned, it looked clean, the wheels moved smoothly and silently... etc... so I happily continued my quest for sustenanceKBhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07597915573822550925noreply@blogger.com0