Friday, October 15, 2010

Back to School Part 5: Library Zombies

Library zombies are not uncommon. These students mercilessly haunt fellow library patrons with their creepily unbreakable gazes. Most encounters go a little something like this...

There you are in the library, just minding your own business. You are studying or doing something scholastic on the internet. Suddenly, you feel like you are being watched. You look up, only to discover a library zombie's giant, glazed and unblinking eyeballs peering at you from just above the top of your computer screen. He is across the table from you, and you are now his victim. He exhibits a generally greasy or unkempt appearance (complete with wispy mustache and braces), and although you hope he is harmlessly staring into space, you also kind of feel like he is actively trying to steal your soul with his incessant zombified stare. You look around you. The library is quiet but full. There are no other seats available. You are doomed to suffer his awkward gawking until one of you is done studying.
Sooner or later, his ceaseless staring causes you to panic like the pheasant from Bambi. YOU JUST CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE. You begin planning your escape route, feverishly packing your things as you look for the nearest exit. But wait. Right before you make your move, you lock eyes with a second library zombie who has fixed his gaze upon you from across the room. He is blocking the exit. Second zombie then proceeds to repeatedly lick the back of his hand. Like a cat. Staring at you all the while. You realize that you are probably safer where you are with zombie starer number 1. You are trapped in a most awkward social prison, and the library zombies win again.

Library Zombies must GO.

1 comment:

  1. Ha ha ha ha! That was a great one. The picture is going to haunt my dreams forever, though.


What must go, must go.