Monday, July 12, 2010

The Mustache

We have a dangerous and damaging epidemic on our hands amongst the young adult males of our generation. It is as vile and viral as they come. And yet, no one seems to be as concerned about it as I am. What is this mystery plague infecting our men, you ask? Athlete's foot? Giardia? Leprosy? No. Worse:


Dirty, nasty, stringly, fluffy, crumby, mustaches. "Moustaches." Cookie dusters. Soup strainers. Misplaced eyebrows. Stalker 'staches. Face fungus.

For some reason, an increasing number of potentially attractive men feel that mustaches are an appropriate outlet for expressing their manly capabilities to grow facial hair. They are sorely mistaken.

Mustaches make me want to hurl. If you are not Burt Reynolds, a police officer, or over the age of 55, mustaches should be strictly prohibited. I am not typically a hater of facial hair. I like me some scruff every now and then, but mustaches just must go.

For example: Take an extremely good looking man. Add the following:

A goatee? Fine.

Sideburns? Excellent.

Manly scruffiness? Superb.

But a mustache?



You have made a beautiful man into an atrocity. Adding a weird patch of lip hair to a handsome face (or ANY face, for that matter) is a recipe for disaster. Please men, be responsible. Grow some sideburns. Forget to shave for a couple days. But I beg of you.... do not, under any circumstance, grow a mustache.

Mustaches must go.

1 comment:


    I have been on this crazy moustache kick lately. I can't explain it. I still hate them, but first I found this blog: that is hilarious BOTH for its ridiculous obsession with mustaches of antiquity as well as its absurdly and failingly pretentious writing style. I was hooked! What could I do?

    Then, just this past Monday, I found this entry: on one of my favorite blogs,, and am SO impressed by this man, both for his natty dress and his METICULOUS facial grooming.

    Please be my friend forever.


What must go, must go.