Tuesday, February 22, 2011

Exceedingly Bad Breath

From an evolutionary standpoint, the ability of the human nose to detect foul odors is an indispensable safeguard that naturally prevents us from wanting to ingest and/or roll around in rotten or possibly harmful substances. This is a useful tool that (hopefully) keeps both young children and adults alike from eating poo and licking skunks.

I understand that sometimes medical conditions make it hard or even impossible for some people to have healthy, odorless breath. Healthy people slip up too. Morning breath happens. Garlic happens. Delicious foreign cuisine happens. Moderately bad breath happens to good people.

But I CANNOT, for the life of me, justify breath so putrid that road kill burning on a tire fire can't hold a candle to its stench.

The unbridled aroma of poisonous cheese has no business emanating from a human being's mouth. There are a myriad of natural, medical, and commercial remedies for bad breath which leaves most people without a single excuse. I refuse to sign for your smellogram.

Exceedingly bad breath must go.

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What must go, must go.