Wednesday, February 23, 2011

Skiwampus Zippers

If you have never worn a skirt, you will have no idea what I'm talking about. So let me educate you.

Most skirts have zippers. Most zippers have a designated position on your body. Some skirts zip up the side. Some have a fly in the front like pants do. Some skirts zip straight up the back. Most of the time, these zippers obey the laws of fashion and remain squarely in their original position from the time you put on your skirt until you take it off.

But SOMETIMES... Skirt zippers get bored hanging out in the same old place. And they are sneaky. They're like mythical creatures that only come alive when you aren't looking. You'll just be walking along minding your own business, looking attractive in your skirt, and WHAM. Just a second ago your zipper was in the back where it belonged, and now it's partying up front and taunting all of your friends' zippers who are too uptight to swivel. I doubt anyone has ever actually seen a zipper actively moving from its intended position. And good luck wrestling it back where it belongs without looking like a fool.

It's a cool trick, really it is. But last time I checked, I didn't need a fly directly over my right butt cheek.

Skiwampus zippers must go.

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What must go, must go.